January 30, 2018

Fifty-Two Weeks

I have good and so-so news! You can choose which one you read first.


This winter I was gifted this 52 Lists project journal and I'm hyped about it. If there's something to know about me, I love making lists. I fill out a new list each Sunday and it's either a good reflection, ignites my inspiration, or makes me look at something in a new light. I'm only on List 5, but this instantly became one of my favorites because of how they worded the first List. It asks you to list your goals and dreams for this year. I'm not very into resolutions because I often find myself wanting to achieve something that is much larger than I thought and then I get into this cycle of negative self talk that I'm not good enough... blah blah blah. The re-wording of this idea to make massive changes in your life on January 1st inspired me to realize, wow, in 2018 I have some big dreams, some are attainable in 52 weeks, some I just like to write down so I can continue dreaming after the new year comes. I'm still going to do my best, but if I don't fully accomplish them, I have them listed as goals and dreams; implying that they might not come to pass in 2018, they might just need some more time. And most importantly, I'm still worthy.

Fun fact: the creators and illustrators of this journal are from Seattle!


I'm going on 9 days of being sick which is a glorious life of napping, watching shows, sleeping some more, drinking a lot of water, medicating myself, and slowing working my way through the pile of reading and homework I've got to get done. It actually looks pretty nice from an outside view; I mean who doesn't want to have a legitimate reason to stay in bed under blankets all day, wear pjs around campus, and get extensions on assignments. It is so much the opposite of empowering though. I feel like I've wasted so much time and am definitely not experiencing life like I like to enjoy. For a while, I forgot that this sickness would eventually leave me. I felt like I was slowly drowning in this little dark place because I can only fully hear out of one ear and swallow with force. When my Dad reminded me that I have to tell myself that I WILL get better, my mindset turned around.

There's no time like the present to understand that what you have now is already leaving you, and may not be there tomorrow. 


I will leave you with this:

How are you doing?
When I give this question a thought,
I truly have no complaints.
How could I?


That doesn’t mean Seasonal Affective Disorder isn’t real. All I want to do is bundle up on my bed, eat snacks, and make my to-do list go away. This week something has definitely hit me, and although I may see you and the look on my face is full of delight, know that I am struggling to make it, too.

When I smile, I genuinely mean it. It is a way to thank you for bringing joy in my life at that very moment,
because you are alive. 

If you’re out there, feeling the weight of anything bringing you down, don’t hesitate to reach out. No grand gesture or long explanation of how you’re feeling is needed.
Let this be an invitation for you,
to bring yourself,
and open up,
feel whatever it is you are,
and come out greater from this.

xo, Hallie



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