April 28, 2018


Oh how I wish I wish, I wish, these existed on film, but I am so elated they exist at all. 
I like their ambiguous, two-sided impression, in fact;
I think that's what I was feeling.

Friday: 5pm. I was about to put on pjs and get ready to spend the night in my room collaging, watching New Girl & Grey's Anatomy. The flat Seattle day had broken; the clouds lifted and the sun peeked through. I realized we still had three more hours of daylight (thank you Spring!) and I could do nothing but think about this place I had passed while on my run earlier that day. I asked Emma if she was available and sure enough, she was. My creativity was starting to pour out of my body. We walked a ways up into the neighborhood of Capitol Hill and arrived. 

We were defying (my perception of) time. We rested in the long grass strewn with pink petals. We stood on the cement, bare foot. We held flowers in our hands like they had just been born that day. 

I am a planner and I like to schedule things out. This was so, good for me. I am slowly training myself to exchange curiosity with my friend, anxiety, who I know oh, so well. It's time to trade my focus on my internal relationships to ones that will feed me in the long run. And, this is a huge reminder of where I feel most like myself. I am outside making the world through my lens look as if nature was the only life form that meant to be in existence and the center of our attention and being.

Another reason why I think these give me a sense of ambiguity is this new love affair I am developing with digital photography. I didn't pull out my film camera during this shoot and I don't know why. I was cheating on her. My heart is with film right now and this is why I have a love & (not hate because those are the same emotions, but) struggling connection with my digital camera, 
at least for right now.

This past week brung me back to noticing how thankful I am for Mother Earth and the peaceful homeostasis she provides. Thank you.

xo, Hallie


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